Lots of times I am being frowned upon when I say I have decided not to marry again. I know that one should ‘NEVER say NEVER’, but unless God sends a man, falling into my lap from above, it is not likely. It reminds me of the song “It’s raining men…hallelujah, it’s raining men” by the American duo – The Weather Girl. Can you imagine this picture? The thing is, I don’t like the idea of a relationship, more than the actual relationship itself.
Every decision in life leads us to an experience. These sorts of decisions happen often in the world:
· Business partnerships
· Choosing a friend/friends
· Career Decision
· Lifestyle choices
· Partner/spouse
· To have children or not
· Nutrition
· Education
· Immigration
Every once in a while, we all need to be reminded of the things that are important to us. Our values shape the decisions we make and the decisions we make shape the world we live in. Our decisions are very important, but not as important as the next move. Making good decisions is a critical skill and make provision for a better outcome.
Proverbs 1: 7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction”
There are ways how we can avoid making choices that invite regret, resentment, or erode our well-being. How to weigh your options:
1. Pay attention to the voice of the Holy Spirit, our internal GPS. Trust your intuition. Seek the wisdom of God. How can you make your own decision and then ask God to bless it? Col 3: 15 “Let the peace of Christ be the controlling factor in your hearts”
2. Take a step back, breathe and sleep on it– see the bigger picture before making longer-term commitments that can have an impact on important relationships. Do your best to act for the good of everyone, not just for your own good. Immediate gratification may lead us to shun people we would be better of embracing. Pause and reflect on the pros and cons of each choice.
3. It may probably be acceptable to buy a new shirt without seeking outside counsel, but is it wise to completely change your life without letting loved ones weigh in? Turn to helpful sources and the ones close to you for wisdom. Even if you do not follow their advice, they may think about things that you have never thought of.
4. Be relaxed and focused, so that you do not decide with clouded vision. Organize your thoughts. Think: Heart vs head.
5. The bigger the decision, the more time you should take to make it. Ask yourself how you will be feeling with your decision 10 years from now.
6. Detach from negative emotions, such as fear.
7. Be honest to yourself and others.
8. Don’t cross red flags – rather reconsider your decision.
Choices can be a matter of life and death. There is only ONE thing that we don’t have any control of – we WILL die. Unlike death, picking a partner is fully in our control. It’s a big deal and that is why we should thoroughly analyze the most important factors in making it. It is important to know that almost none of us marry with the idea to get divorced. Never underestimate the impact of a single decision – it can make or break you. When you make bad decisions, you will suffer the consequences. Every major decision leads inexorably to a chain of events we cannot accurately predict.
Signs that you are making the wrong decision:
· Your gut is telling you ‘No’. I call it the Holy Spirit.
· You are willing to compromise on major issues, including losing your own identity.
· You are more emotional than usual and operate in defensive mode.
· You are not telling the whole truth. This is a bad sign. It might be that you are not too proud of your choices, otherwise you would want to share it with the whole wide world. Keep your conscience clean. Or you are trying to convince yourself that you are making the right choice?
· You are moving too quickly – take time to process whether your choice is something you really want. Do not rush into things. Wait… wait on the Lord.
· You prefer to stay in a fantasy, and in the meantime, you may ruin your life and the life of others.
· You suffer from information blindness – you are blind to information that does not fit your tiny worldview.
· You are desperate because you are unhappy with your current circumstances. Stay calm and continue your search.
· You are not motivated by the right things. You are motivated by your needs, and you are impatient.
· You are going against your closest advisors, or you have not talked to those who will be impacted by your decision. If you are freaking out too much about whether it is meant to be, it’s probably not. Justifications is spelled complications!
· Overconfidence – (I know what is best) and selfishness. We constantly impact those around us, and in turn their decisions influence us. Balance your needs with the people you love.
· You follow what society encourages or what your biological clock says– people end up picking from whatever pool of options they have no matter how poorly matched the candidates are. You are just in need of a therapist and an admirer.
It is normal to feel bewildered and overwhelmed. Approach big choices in a mindful matter, rather than to panic when reality bites back.
Two common errors in how we approach decision making:
1. How many decisions do you face that you forget to seek God’s input until you find yourself stuck? Or not sure how to proceed?
“You may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God” – CS Lewis
2. Seeking God’s guidance in prayer without also seeking to be wise. Apply wisdom as you face a decision. Imagine deciding not to stop for fuel on when taking a trip of 800 kilometers, though you know your tank can only do 450 kilometers?!
Learn from other’s poor choices. No one makes wrong decisions intentionally. Unfortunately, we stumble and make mistakes.
Don’t settle for a dull ride, or worse - a complicated ride.
Keep the future in mind. Our decisions will inevitably write our legacies.
Make great choices NOW to secure a great FUTURE.
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