In South Africa, a decade or two ago, we laughed at the ones driving around in their 4 x 4’s in the city. It was the wealthy showing off, or the ‘wanna be a boertjie’ kind of people. Nowadays, when you drive around in this country, a 4 x 4 has become a necessity, even on some of our city roads.
Potholes are all over the place. No matter how careful, you sometimes get caught unawares and you hit yet another one. Even the best pothole dodgers get a nasty surprise when not completely focused on the road before them. The only people really smiling about this pothole dilemma, are the insurance companies. One of their best marketing tools to sell their product is to use potholes as the sales pitch.
It surely is advisable that we focus on the road before us, but it is a pity that many of the time that we spend on the road, we miss the scenery around us. I am not just talking about the driver of the vehicle – the passengers are also backseat drivers, trying to prevent a disaster from happening. It is just not a jolly ride anymore.
Have you ever had that bobblehead-doll experience while being on an afternoon spin? That moment when you were not paying attention?
When we are impatient in life, we try to take shortcuts to our destination, thinking it will save us time. It may be one of the worst choices you make, thinking you know better, instead of waiting on God to lead the way. Other times, we need to take a road, knowing this road has more potholes than tar, but you still choose it, because this is the only route out of town.
For example, I chose the road of divorce. I don’t know how others experience this road, but there were three gaping potholes along my journey which almost swallowed me alive:
1. Self-condemnation
2. Condemnation
3. Fear and anxiety
We discussed divorce and we decided to go our separate ways. But still, I felt that I chose to leave. After all, I was the one moving out of the house? As a very verbal believer in a small town, I condemned myself for failing God, failing my children, my family and my fellow believers and friends. Well, the ones left. Remember, when you are “married with children”, you share the same friends, as well as family. I was the one preaching to others about the will of God, our Almighty God and that nothing is impossible for Him and with Him. And still, I took the road of divorce. I had TOO MANY questions and TOO LITTLE answers. For a while I was too ashamed to even talk to my Father. Must have been religion, and not relationship. I might have run away from relationships too. Who knows? Oh yes, God knows.
Yeah, I can write books about all the self-help books I read to find my way again. But I did not at first…found my way that is. I was floating around on the open sea. One day I tried joining a cell group. I was added on a whatsapp group. After the second divorcee sent me Scripture to meet me for “coffee” at my new house, I left the group.
What made my move to another town and home a little easier, was that one of my children were close to me. But I cried myself to sleep at night missing my other child who stayed in his old school, in the old town, with all the old memories. I felt I failed him as a mother and felt disconnect on a regular basis. “I should have stayed for him”, I thought. That was always my intention - to stick it out until my children were on their own feet. And do not get me wrong. I had amazing times with my husband - the father of my children. We had quite a few honeymoon phases.
Condemnation was another pothole. This pothole resulted in stones lying around. I didn’t mind the stones-thrown by strangers, but got really wounded by some that I called my friends. A lot of people just never bothered talking to me, but fortunately, I also got a lot closer to some of my valued friends during this time. And as a bonus I made lifelong, new friends by suddenly being available for coffee breaks or a wine dine. My family were like a wall of fire around me during the first year or two. Thank God for them!!!
The enemy had his weapons ready for my weak spots and fear got a foothold in my life. I feared being rejected by everyone. I feared not making it on my own. I feared new relationships. I feared not coping. I feared not having enough money. I feared not having a job. I feared not belonging to a church. I feared ageing alone. I feared my Father – not in a good way. I feared so many things that my joy was stolen.
When I look back at the first two years after separation (before the divorce was finalized) I was nothing but a blob on this earth and of no use to God, or anyone, for that matter.
But HERE COMES THE GOOD PART!!! This is the BEST part!!! God NEVER gives up on us. Deep calls out to deep! What He has called you for, He will equip you to do. You just need to be available. And He will pick you up out of that pothole, no matter how deep.
Know this: Slowly, but surely, God will fix and fill the potholes in front of you. On this uphill road, there will be beautiful sceneries along the way. Open your eyes and see them and don’t always focus on the potholes in the road. Hold on! Downhill is coming.
And remember this: Whatever you do, don’t put up camp in that hole, and if you do… STOP! Have some fun and take pictures to memorize and to realize…
EVEN ON THE ROCKY ROADS, THE ROCK IS WITH YOU!!!
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