I am a recovered control-freak, but people out of control, can still freak me out! This past week I failed miserably in practicing self-control. Afterwards, it came to my mind that the moment I am not in control of my emotions, I am not in control of my life and my happiness. I am allowing others, or situations, to steal my joy, run and ruin my life. Why would I give them that authority?
Let me explain the trigger that was the oil on my flames: A little background about our complex is needed for you to understand. Our visitors are allowed to park their vehicles on a designated spot, but they have to move it after 48 hours. Apparently, we have 3 sets of rules in our complex – one for the trustees and their friends/followers, one for the ‘obedient’ residents, and one for the rule-breakers. No serious! Even though we have one set of rules, it depends on which category you fall in, how the rules will be applied. I invite you to come and visit me for a week, follow the rules for the ‘obedient residents’ and wait… Wait for the email from the managing agents declaring that you are actually one of the rule-breakers.
Let me tell you, I have plenty of training in practicing self-control. One of these days, I may even succeed. This tendency to lose my patience, has caused me to dig deep into what God says about self-control, why it is important to cultivate, and what it looks like when we exercise it. I’m ready to break my bad habit (yet again), and I’m praying that it will be equally helpful to you.
Exercising self-control may look different to us all. To exercise self-control is to discipline ourselves, set boundaries, and rule over our actions. A lack of self-control leads to the free reign of the flesh, that end up exercising control over us.
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” -- Proverbs 25:28
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” -Galatians 5:22-23
Self-control helps us to resist temptation and avoid conforming to the things of this world. It guides our decisions, and it correlates with how we show the other fruits in our lives. It is the ability to control our feelings, emotions, and reactions. Many of us need self-control
staying off social media,
sticking to a budget,
saying no to that chocolate or that glass of wine
saying no to anger
“Lord Jesus, I want you more than this immediate need!” – John Piper
Why Self-Control Is Important?
This characteristic is clearly of value to God; for the exercise of self-control is one way we display Him to others. Self-control shows that we are pursuing a holy life that is glorifying to the Lord. Remember, the Father made us in His image, redeemed us by His Son, and He gave us His Spirit to live in us. Thus, self-control displays Him, because He is self-controlled. He acts patiently towards all sinners, wishing that no one would perish, and that all will repent (2 Peter 3:9). His commands in His Word may sometimes seem impossible to follow, but they are perfect, sure, right, pure, clean, and true (Psalm 19:7-9). Unlike us, the Lord does not need a guard to keep watch over his lips (Psalm 141:3).
Self-control is a protection for our souls. It is necessary because we are at war with our own sinful desires (1 Peter 2:11; James 1:14; Ephesians 1:22). Temptations are dangerous and deceitful, because they always find a way to drag us down.
Self-control is one part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), so exercising it means reflecting the Spirit of God.
By exercising self-control, we show that we are valuing greater, eternal good over immediate gratification.
Good self-control reduces stress by anticipating negative outcomes and being better prepared. Less stress is essential for physical and mental health.
Improving self-control can help make good intentions into real achievements. Some of our behaviors related to low self-control are impatience, impulsivity, and irritability. People who are able to delay gratification tend to do better in reaching their goals, because they make better long-term decisions, and they stay on track.
I love the "Cool" Cognitive System vs "Hot" Emotional System: It shows that a way to think about emotions is cool or hot. A "cool" response to emotions is to think before you act. It incorporates knowledge and considers emotions and assist in making rational decisions about long-term goals. A "hot" response is done on reflex, and does not consider the long-term implications.
Take time to understand and create strategies in building self-control. Humans have constant conflicts of what they want and what they need. Make positive choices in the face of temptation and restrain yourself from acting on emotions. Steps to increase self-control:
Step 1: Renew your mind through God’s Word. (Romans 12:2).
Step 2: Get a good night's sleep. Tired servants will find it difficult to show up and spread the gospel at its best.
Step 3: Self-regulate to improve self-control. When you lack self-regulation you will have difficulty dealing with anxiety and anger.
Step 4: Exercise to increase self-control – physical exercise. Note how you feel after exercise – it boosts your energy for the rest of the day.
Step 5: Understand your emotional intelligence – know yourself, and all triggers, to control your emotions.
Step 6: Keep your mouth shut. When angry or upset, it’s easy to say something we regret later. Through the control of our words, we can avoid a lot of hurt feelings and conflict. Breathe. Pause and give yourself a moment to calm down. Wait before you press ‘send’ on that message. Displaying self-control is often a matter of responding rather than reacting. When we react to a situation, we let our emotions take control. We are more likely to become defensive and say hurtful things. Responding, however, involves developing a thoughtful response that is guided by reason more than emotions.
Step 7: Be mindful of the present situation. By being aware of our surroundings, we are able to be present in the moment and not get pulled into past memories or future worries.
Step 8: Pray for the Holy Spirit’s help. Ask God for His grace and help in your weakness. (Ephesians 1:16, 17-19).
Step 9: Confess your habits to God and others. (1 John 1:7).
Step 10: Identify and remove your triggers. (Ephesians 4:22-24).
Self-control and willpower goes hand-in-hand – THIS I realized when I decided to make a lifestyle change. There are many distractions and temptations on the path to achieving goals. The willpower definition is using self-control to reach goals. Live by this: "Good things come to those who wait."
Self-control and willpower can be learned, just as any other skill can be learned. Self-control is an important skill to develop because it is related to overall well-being and success. As a result, we can live in a way that is honoring to God.
Let the following words of 1 Peter 4:7 sink in: “The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.”
God is a God of self-control!
Let us make Him proud!
Ps. A bonus of love from the Word today:
“…women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire…” - 1 Timothy 2:9
“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…” - 1 Timothy 3:2
“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” - 2 Timothy 1:7
“Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.” - Titus 2:6
“The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” - 1 Peter 4:7
“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control…” - 2 Peter 1:5-6
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