Last week, the topic was ‘the power of words’. With posts and posters proclaiming ‘freedom of speech’ everywhere nowadays, people often say what and where they want. Therefore we may find ourselves being offended more and more by someone’s words, especially when you feel they are opinionated. We can easily get wrapped up in the words of others. What is YOUR response when opinions differ? Is your first instinct to react?
Sometimes we cut off some people from our lives because of assumptions:
their facial expressions
our high expectations
we are easily angered from people’s words
we hold on to things
The effect is that it turns our hearts away from God, the focus becomes what they have done to us, instead of focusing on what God has done for us. This puts us in bondage, while God has given us freedom. Bitterness creeps in, we lose joy, and we miss opportunities to be God’s vessels to serve others. Realize that it goes deeper – to pride, insecurity, or fear. Somewhere along the line we forget or stop believing who we are in Jesus as we get stuck on the opinions of others. Focus more on His Words than the words of others.
Offense is the pandemic of the church. We can so easily throw off our garment of praise for a cloak of offense, but AN OFFENDED HOUSE CAN NOT BE A DEFENSIVE HOUSE. When did we become so auditory derivable that we can’t stand the sound of iron sharpening iron? Why do we choose to carry someone else’s offenses, but we don’t want to hear about their burdens? Is it because talking about those who offended us draws an audience? Because the gossip and gripe draws a crowd and validate our victim status?
Proverbs 19:11 “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
I remember this one time when I have gone through a lot of trouble in choosing a perfect gift. The receiver of this gift gave a simple ‘thank you’. I lost it because I took offense and thought the gift should be appreciated a little more. I expected more after going through great lengths to make this occasion special. The reaction came: “What? Do you expect me to jump up and down?” I thought: "Well… that would have been nice". Now this is what I have learned in the meantime. The reaction should not be the reason you are giving. We should give without expecting something back. When your expectations are unrealistic, you will be disappointed, angry and resentful. Don’t do something for the thank you.
How can we break through those offenses and be free from other’s opinions:
Don’t take offense. Offense is taken, not given.
Offense needs to be fed, starve it with forgiveness. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)
Offense is a killer – it is time to focus our attention on the real enemy, and it isn’t one another. “You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarrelling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?” (1 Corinthians 3:3)
Shut your mouth. “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 10:19)
Pause and ask God to have a better perspective, to see the bigger picture. Ask God to allow you to see what the root is of the other person’s bad mouth, before you act. Sometimes someone’s fear or anger will be taken out on you. “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” (Proverbs 29:11)
Respond in such a way that you bring honor to God, instead of adding fuel to the fire. “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” (2 Timothy 2:24)
We should become less focused on our own feelings and be more focused on the understanding of others.
Instead of reacting in our flesh, rather practice reflecting on the words that impacted your life – positive or negative. There is a danger when we allow words to define us. It can weigh a ton if we carry those words around for the rest of our lives. The weight becomes a heavy burden when we allow the opinions of others to rest on our shoulders. These words should be separated from our identity. Discover your identity in Him! Break the words that broke you! “and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the dead over every power and authority.” (Colossians 2:10) Also see what Ecclesiastes 7:21 says: “Do not pay attention to every word people say,…”.
What do you spit out when you are offended? We received pepper, soap, or a hiding from our parents when we were younger? One of my friends have used the example of toothpaste at various occasions at her school. Have you ever tried to put toothpaste back into the tube? Words are like that – they can’t be put back once they came out.
Our words show the state of our heart – unresolved anger, jealousy or hurt. Read Proverbs 21:23: “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”, and Luke 6:45 “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Let us be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Show some grace. Some people may not deserve grace, but we are called to give it anyway. After all, we don’t deserve it either.
Next time when someone hurt you, lie about you, question your character, or the character of those you love
practice the pause
search your heart
shut your mouth
2 Corinthians 12:10 “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Don’t hold onto things that don’t make an eternal difference.
Let your words be seasoned with salt, uplifting and encouraging. Don’t be a sour worm. Let your words drip with honey. Whenever you leave a conversation, may the people say:
“So bek moet jêm kry”.
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