…myself?
After reading this, I hope you will be able to fill that space with a suitable word. A word that will make you proud of yourself. Yes, it is okay to be full of yourself, to have self-confidence and self-love, but too much of a good thing is just that…too much. Do you remember during your younger years when the older generation used the saying ‘Too big for his shoes’ in their conversations?
As parents we want our children to reach their full potential. We believe in them and try our best that they will also believe in themselves. From the moment they are born, we work on their self—worth: “Look how clever you are…You are so strong…You are a gift from God to us”. Our ego’s start right here. And one day those exact words will be used against you: “You think you are God’s gift to this earth?!”
There is such a fine line between self-love and ego, but they are two entirely different things and should never be confused. Self-love means you are your own best friend and because you believe in yourself, you are also able to love God and your neighbor as yourself. A big ego, on the other hand, requires a person to think they are better than others and will put others down in order to keep that perception. Unfortunately, we live in the age of the latter. Photoshopped faces tell a story of our low self-esteem and depression, anxiety and comparison and show that we live in a time of inflated selves. Social media is not helping. Comparing and competing and superiority starts a trend of pride. We must remind ourselves daily that ego’s trip, but the humble will not stumble.
James 4: 6 (Amplified): ”God is opposed to the proud and haughty, but [continually] gives [the gift of] grace to the humble [who turn away from self-righteousness].”
Humankind is made to socialize. We are creatures in need for love and relationships. Haven’t we seen this even now in Covid times with the social distancing and lockdown-levels? We have a need to be loved and liked by others, but pride is selfish and destructive. Pride will eventually have the result of no-one liking you at all, and you will not even be liked by yourself. This leads to narcissistic tendencies and other serious mental health issues. More and more we realize that none are so empty as those who are full of themselves. We recognize that arrogance is loud and requires advertising, but confidence is silent and speaks for itself. Unfortunately, pride fools only the person who has it.
As Dave Willis describes it: “In every relationship, please remember this: Pride Poisons. Humility Heals.”
C.S. Lewis has another version: “For pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”
There is a vast chasm between confidence in your abilities, and an over-inflated ego. Ego is related to pride and confidence is related to humility. You can test this by reflecting on the following:
· Ego says “I can do no wrong” whereas confidence says “I can get this right”.
· Confidence says “I am valuable” while ego says “I am invaluable”.
· Pride is about my glory, humility is about God’s glory.
· Ego/pride seeks to serve itself, humility/soul seeks to serve others.
· Ego seeks outward recognition, humility seeks inner authenticity.
· Ego sees life as a competition, humility sees life as a gift.
· Ego seeks to preserve self, humility seeks to preserve others.
· Ego looks outwards, humility looks inward.
· Ego feels lack, humility feels abundance.
· Ego is mortal, humility is eternal.
· Ego is drawn to lust, humility is drawn to love.
· Ego seeks wisdom, humility is wisdom.
· Ego enjoys the prize, humility enjoys the journey.
· Ego is the cause to pain, humility is the cause of healing.
· Ego rejects or disobeys God, humility embraces God.
· Ego is me, humility is we.
Pride keeps us in bondage, makes us victims who cast the blame on others. It destroys our lives and relationships. It disobeys God and it puts oneself on the throne of God. Humility answers softly and listens kindly for understanding. Humility recognizes that no one can change someone else, but with faith, effort and the help of God, we can undergo our own mighty change of heart.
We all should strive to be strong, but not rude; to be kind, but not weak; to be bold, but not a bully; to be humble, but not timid; to be proud, but not arrogant.
St Mary of Jesus Crucified (1846 – 1878) sums this up beautifully:
“The proud person is like a grain of wheat thrown into water – it swells, it gets big. Expose that grain to the fire – it dries up, it burns.
VS
“The humble soul, is like a grain of wheat, thrown into the earth – it descends, it hides itself, it disappears, it dies but to revive in heaven.”
It is so simple. It is vital to have a high self-esteem, but in a society that is lacking in humility, we should be different. Yes, we should be full human beings. Our glasses should be filled to the brim with a mixture of confidence and humbleness, not only to quench our own thirst, but that of a parched world.
We are in dire need of more humble humans. Let us be it.
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