Not everyone is fond of counsellors and psychologists, and like in all professions, there are good and bad ones. I have seen one or two in my lifetime – some out of choice, and others because I was told to consider ‘seeing someone’. Have you heard ‘You are too sensitive. There’s something wrong with you. You are the reason I did this. You are crazy.’? Then I will be the one to suggest that you should get behind these 'accusations'. Is there really something wrong with you, or are you an empath, like me? There are brilliant, God-sent counsellors who can bring light to this type of gaslighting.
Are you familiar with the term ‘spiritual abuse’? Spiritual abuse happens when someone uses spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare, or control you. You may be the victim of this type of abuse, or you can even be the abuser. The Word should set you free (John 8:32). If not, you are being Bible-bashed. When the Bible has been used to bash, clobber or hurt you, it’s tragic, it’s angering, and it’s a painful loss. But it’s not the end. God is committed to you. So, don’t quit.
Spiritual abuse started when the serpent in the Garden of Eden distorted and outright lied about God’s words to Adam and Eve. He created doubt about God’s character and their own. They trusted Satan’s lies above the truth of God. Since then, all their descendants have struggled with the same problem. The devil can also use law keepers, Pharisees and religion to distort God’s words. The Word of God is misused and His character is misrepresented.
When we read Matthew 4: 1-11, we see that the devil uses the Bible as a weapon of control. The bad guy is using good words to tempt the Good Guy – Jesus, the Son of God. He uses the Good Word to do bad things when you are in the wilderness, when you are down in the pits.
Has this ever happened to you? It is important to not be confused. Jesus came to save, not to condemn (John 3:17). He came to set you free. The Bible wasn’t written so that religious people could use it to slam people’s heads against rocks, or to control other people and make them do what they want them to do. It is also not there to shame you.
The Word of God should be read and used in love. There should be a balance between truth and grace, even though it may be easier to judge and condemn those who don’t agree with us. We are commanded to share the good news of Christ. But what do we do in the white-water rapids that threaten to carry us away? Will we drown in it, or will we ‘go with the flow’? The only way to share God’s love is to stand on firm ground, on the Rock, and to have respectful relationships with others.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” (Matthew 7:24)
Know when and to whom you should bow down. You are not a doormat, but you should also not become hardened by self-righteousness. You and I can become instigators for redemptive change in our time. We can be people of influence who know that it is not our goal to be right, but to be effective. We can be people who reflect the loving-kindness of a good God. We can be people who stand firm AND love well.
Some people use scripture as a means of control and manipulate. This becomes clear–especially when you learn that the verses were used out of context, and that the text was misused against you. Mental beatings make you feel angry and defensive. You can become someone you don’t recognize and someone you don’t like. It will also have a negative impact on those around you. Your community or family can start to look like a pack of wolves, not a flock of sheep. Your reality will not line up with your identity in Christ. Reading Ezekiel 34, we can see that God will not work with a person who is busy beating His sheep, or tearing them to pieces. Why should we?
So how should we use the Word? Restore your relationship with Scripture. Redemption should be the goal. In Matthew 11: 28-30 Jesus invites the broken and overburdened souls. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give your rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
Use Jesus’ methodology in Matthew 12:18-20. He will not argue. He will not shout. He will not break a bruised reed or put out a smoldering wick. This was Jesus’ way. Jesus brought us God’s truth, but Jesus brought that truth in a way that never hurt the already-wounded. So, if someone tried to deliver truth into your life in a way that was hurtful, whether their intention was to help or not, they blew it. All of us should use this example of Jesus. He replenishes souls by fulfilling the law. In Matthew 23: 13-38 we can clearly see that He does not threaten us.
Steps toward healing from toxic relationships and toxic places:
Tell God your honest truth - God’s not offended by any of this; He is not a religious gate-keeper.
Face your pain, deal with it, and move on– don’t become bitter. Self-protection, cynicism and isolation hurts. Spiritual abuse, justified with the words of scripture, can be crushing to the spirit. If you experienced spiritual abuse, there is help available. The Bible doesn’t belong to those who hurt you. Their interpretation is not the final word. God’s Word is.
Start where you are able - Find a place that doesn’t trigger you, and start there. If the only thing you can do is read Psalm 23 over and over again, do that. God is big. The Holy Spirit is present. Ask God to work through this with you.
Walk forward with friends - you are not alone. Spiritual abuse is really common. You can process your anger, your sadness, your grief with others who know the same story, or even better - with people who have found healing and freedom.
Seek the Holy Spirit - Jesus promised the Holy Spirit to all who receive Him. The Holy Spirit is the One with the job of comforting, healing, and leading into truth. The Holy Spirit, like a gardener, is incredibly patient.
Set boundaries in every relationship - all relationships should have boundaries.
The more time you spend with Jesus, the less time you’re going to spend being intimidated by the opinions of others. Seek to stand strong in your faith. Let the truth of the Living Word fuel your faith when you’re being tested.
The way we represent God matters. Our character and attitude matters just as much as our words and actions. Sharing your faith is all about relationship, not right answers or slick presentations. You don’t have to be well-spoken or have a dramatic story to tell; you just have to be real. You also don’t have to argue, tell people what they do wrong, or demand them to change. It’s offensive and turns people off. Don’t you think it may turn God of too? Paul wrote, “We are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us” (2 Cor. 5:20 NLT).
The motive for sharing your faith must always be to bring as many people as you can with you into heaven. Reflect the character of Jesus. Don’t give up on people just because they disagree with you. Damnation brings damage. Salvation equals deliverance. The Word is not a weapon to use against others, or to be used against us. Scripture is not a scalpel. It is not something that should harm. The Word should be used to bring hope and healing to emotional pain and wounds.
Use your time well. Don’t waste it.
Your time to shine is now!
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